Ask the Coach: “I Didn’t Make Varsity. Now What?”

Hi Coach,

I’ve always been the best player on the court. Like, any court. Whenever I played pickup in the park or varsity for my old school, I was leading the charge. That is, until my family moved. At my new high school’s varsity basketball tryouts, everyone else on the floor was quicker, stronger and just better. I felt totally exposed, and sure enough, I didn’t make the cut. I was offered a spot on JV, but I’m really afraid I’ve hit my ceiling. If I’m not playing with the best, can I still become the best?


Simply “OK” Suddenly
16-year-old basketball player

I’ve been there, SOS. I mean that very specifically — just like you, I got left off a team I knew I deserved to be on. Of course, a lot of people have been there. So why does it hurt so much worse for people like you and me?

On my end, I can tell you that sport was everything for me growing up. My first word wasn’t “mom” or “dad,” it was “ball.” No joke. I’m from a small town in New Hampshire where everybody played every sport, because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to fill the teams. I was the kind of kid who got home from soccer practice and started shooting hoops with my shin guards still on. There might have been some skateboarding, ice hockey and figure skating in the mix too.

Soccer was my first love, though, and my first heartbreak.

When I was 9 years old, I tried out for the U12 soccer team. My own school team had been the best in the state, so I was used to winning. I felt sure I would make the U12. I didn’t make the U12. At first, I couldn’t believe it. This had never happened to me before. What I had to offer just wasn’t enough. I wasn’t needed. The coach told my parents that I had a ton of promise but was way too small. My parents tried to soothe me. Nothing helped; I was mortified.

So how did I get over it? Well, maybe I didn’t, since I’m talking about it with you! But I did keep playing, because when it came down to it, I didn’t have any other choice. This is going to sound dramatic, but here it goes: Sport has always been the way that I connect to the world. It’s all I’ve ever known. So there was no way I was going to quit. And if I can judge your character based on a 100-word email, you’re in the same boat.

You hear about a lot of top-tier players using this kind of slight as fuel to come back even better, which is fine by me. I’m all for a good old-fashioned sports revenge story. There was one kid I used to coach, the lowest-ranked player in her incoming class. She wrote that rank on her whiteboard as a reminder. She looked at the number every day. She set her focus on proving it wrong. And she ended up playing the most minutes of anyone on the entire team — as a freshman. So that’s one approach that didn’t turn out too badly.

Here’s another: Take a crack at changing your personal definition of “best.” After all, there are a lot of different qualities that make a great player. There are pure physical gifts, sure. There’s also the support you can bring to a team, the glue that improves your collective culture. And then there’s grit. That’s your willingness to keep on grinding, to keep on improving, no matter what. That one is always in your control. And it’s your best barometer for how good you’re going to be.

Email askthecoach@nike.com with a question about how to improve your mindset in sport or fitness.